I am still on this journey of healing, more tests, more doctors appointments.
Improvements, setbacks, fighting courage, resignation. Acceptance of the present now.
Raw foods, nuts berries tofu too, my green tea with honey and apple cider vinegar, and aloe vera every morning.
I tell myself I have all the medicine I need. Whatever is available to me, accessible, that is exactly what I need to heal. I do not think of lack, I think of plenty and just right.
I meditate. I tap on emotional spots to achieve freedom. I set out to do my morning exercises. I tell myself my little exercises will build up into one big exercise session and soon, everything will snap back into place.
Trips to the doctor and hospital for tests, brief dips into a world of white coats, shiny machines, no answers.
There are not enough Native Americans to make a category for bone test comparisons. Choose. White, African American, Latino, Asian. I choose the most convenient, I lie down and let the machine do its work.
I wonder later why I don’t feel like doing anything, I know I am pushing off thoughts, begging away consideration.
If they never identify us, how will they ever build up a body of medical knowledge about Native Americans? Let’s just consider it scientifically.
Emotionally, its harder to explain away. In its strange cloak of fairness and objectivity, why does this feel so subjective?
Perhaps this is the medicine I need today. After all, it got me writing.